hurricane alex is on its way to the valley. while i am in austin.
i wish i was home so that i could make sure everything is safe at home. i really really hope the house does not flood... but i have a feeling it will.

getting anxious.
no one is ansering my texts...
i dont know what to do!
i want to make sure my home is safe and im not there to make sure it is...

so frustrated and anxious.

damnit!

atx

it is amazing how depressed i get when chris is not with me. i don't know how to deal with apa not being here anymore. i miss him so much. i feel so lonely when i am home. i don't want to be home. i should be enjoying my first summer as a teacher: OFF! but the house has too many feelings with it and i just want out. the one way i think i've been coping is with spending money. and i need to stop. i think my mom is doing the same. its so ugly without him. i miss him so much. i want my apa back... but i know hes in a better place.

i have workshops in austin from monday till thursday. i am so excited to go just because ill be out of the house and out of the valley. chris is going to meet me in austin on thursday and we will spend the weekend with the best little brudda eva. instead of our basic shopping till we drop routine, i've looked up several museums and botanical gardens and places to visit super cheap or FREE! excited for some of the art museums! we need out... i need out.

i don't need money for the rest of the month.
i'm just home lonely... cleaning playing with the animals...
we should be good.
hopefully...

sigh

feeling lonely in a room filled with family...
I need to get over my shit. I hate feeling like this.

closet space

bored at home with nothing to do. we had a wonderful scrubdown of the house yesterday. the hubby and i had a full afternoon of cleaning. i had finished the laundry in the morning as we set to it. it feels so wonderful to have the house so immaculate and lovely. lets see how long it takes for the hubby to muss it up again... he even went through some of his clothes and got rid of a lot of useless clothing. which was great! more hangers for when i do laundry!

now i need to go through my stuff and truly decide what i need to keep.., i have gained weight and am trying to lose it and there are lovely htings that just dont fit me anymore... but then there are things that i know i wont wear buttttt... i dont want to get rid of them just yet. even though i need to. my side of the closet is bursting.

i suppose thats what i can get started on.

so lonelyyyyy and pathetic...

I feel like going shopping for useless necessities such as jewlery and shoes and clothing... but I dont have the money right now.
I should be saving but I've realized that shopping is helping me cope. And since i am on summer break i get bored easily and wanna go shopppingggg.. ughhh

Plus I feel super lonely and friendless...