atx

it is amazing how depressed i get when chris is not with me. i don't know how to deal with apa not being here anymore. i miss him so much. i feel so lonely when i am home. i don't want to be home. i should be enjoying my first summer as a teacher: OFF! but the house has too many feelings with it and i just want out. the one way i think i've been coping is with spending money. and i need to stop. i think my mom is doing the same. its so ugly without him. i miss him so much. i want my apa back... but i know hes in a better place.

i have workshops in austin from monday till thursday. i am so excited to go just because ill be out of the house and out of the valley. chris is going to meet me in austin on thursday and we will spend the weekend with the best little brudda eva. instead of our basic shopping till we drop routine, i've looked up several museums and botanical gardens and places to visit super cheap or FREE! excited for some of the art museums! we need out... i need out.

i don't need money for the rest of the month.
i'm just home lonely... cleaning playing with the animals...
we should be good.
hopefully...