not in a good place.

i wanted to have a good day today.
but its already been ruined.
i need to make a review sheet of sorts for my lazy students but i am anything but motivated.

church is supposed to be my relax/recharge for the week time. and chris ruined it for me. i dont know why he has to be so selfish right now. i know i dont do a good job at being a wonderful wife but i do a lot of shit that he should be doing. i am supporting him and i get no support in return. and i am tired of it. i just dont understand anymore. how me being selfish in one aspect allows him to be selfish in everything he does. and i let him to get away with it. and that makes me hate my self even more.

self loathing ftw, as usual

this day feels wasted

feeling sick and overwhelmed.
i just want a day of rest and nothing...

drove up to austin thur morn.
and then drove back fri afternoon.
for two different conferences. and i did not sleep well on thur nite. last nite i did sleep well but not well enough i guess.
can the stress of a 5 and a half hour drive two days in a row really make me feel like this? i feel so dizzy and weak and ickyyy... i hate it. i planned to do some cleaning and gardening outside this morn. but i woke up and couldnt even stand or walk around.

i didnt wanna bum around today but thats all i can do.

i think i am getting hungry.
dunno what to eat tho...

meh